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A few years back, I attended my friend Nick’s blowout 40th birthday party.

As part of the celebration, he hired an improv comic, and we all had to participate in learning improv comedy.

(I just felt the collective shiver of all the introverts reading this newsletter).

We started tossing out fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and we learned about the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and.”

Two simple words, and the foundation for all of improv comedy:

Whenever somebody comes up with a scene, sentence, or situation, the ONLY acceptable response is: “yes and”

• Yes: Acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd, to be true.
• And: build! Like a tennis match, after your improv partner hits the ball to you, your job is to hit it back! Building on the situation or scene.

For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate” your response could be:

• “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
• “Yes, and I’m a first mate looking for a new crew, this is perfect!”
• “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”

The “yes and” rule is so crucial, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improv partner!

Kind of like Liam Neeson in ​this short sketch​ with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):

The Yes And Rule for Life

As a former overachieving “gifted child” who has quite the negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard on incorporating “yes and” into my life.

The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the past two years working to embrace.

Check out my past essays on ​Acceptance​ and ​Wabi Sabi​ for more.

It’s the “and” part I’ve focused on lately.

As Dr. Kristen Neff points out on in her book ​Self-compassion​, life is complex and so are humans:

“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels.

Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think they are either.

So despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black-or-white, yes-or-no, good-or-bad terms… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.

Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.

This is my task for you today.

Is there a part of your life that feels black-or-white, and instead could use a bit of complexity?

• Change is hard, AND I am capable of making progress.
• I failed at some goals in 2024, AND ​I learned lessons to apply​ in 2025.
• I might be starting over, AND ​I never start at square one​.

Nothing is as simple as it seems.

Life is hard, and change is hard. AND you’re a good person who’s trying.

Which means there’s hope. And ​hope is the warrior emotion​.

Also, please go watch that ​Liam Neeson skit​.

You’re welcome.

-Steve

PS: Need guidance and accountability to reach your fitness goals? Nerd Fitness has helped 10,000+ humans over the last 8 years with 1-on-1 online fitness coaching. ​Click here for more details​.

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Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

I’m a huge Stephen King fan.

I’ve read the whole Dark Tower Series, It, The Shining, Doctor Sleep, and my favorite movie ever is based on his novella, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.

So, at the behest of multiple friends who told me it’s their favorite book, I finally ​started reading 11/22/63​.

Here’s the head-exploding premise:

On November 22, 1963, three shots rang out in Dallas, President Kennedy died, and the world changed.

What if you could change it back?

Stephen King’s heart-stoppingly dramatic new novel is about a man who travels back in time to prevent the JFK assassination—a thousand page tour de force.

Like every good nerd, I’ve dedicated way too much brainpower to hypothetical time-travel, the butterfly effect, and changing the past. I bet you have too.

Time-travel is such an alluring idea because our brains can’t help but think about “the road less traveled” and “what if I had done X instead of Y?”

Which brings me to today’s newsletter topic.

Accepting that some paths are closed is incredibly freeing.

Some Paths are Closed

My friend Tim Urban over at ​WaitButWhy.com​ put out this graph about the life choices we’ve made up until today, and the branching paths open to us tomorrow:

It’s really easy for our brains to hyperfocus on all the black lines in our past: the paths closed to us, the decisions we didn’t make, the decisions we made and how our life often feels “determined” right now.

“Because of how I did this in the past, that’s just how things are.”

“It’s a shame I never did XYZ, now it’s too late. I have so much regret!”

“I don’t deserve to be happy because of this mistake I made”

We often forget that it’s only possible to connect the dots of our life looking backward, in which we made every decision with the best information we had at the time.

(If you’re looking for a solid read, Matt Haig’s ​The Midnight Library​ is a thought-provoking fictional story about alternate life paths and acceptance. Haig draws from a past ​decision to almost take his own life​.)

So let’s talk a bit about those black lines and green possibilities.

Maybe Some Paths ARE Closed!

I bring all of this stuff up to make two points.

Author Chris Guillbeau, who heavily inspired my love of travel and influenced how I built Nerd Fitness, put out an essay recently about ​celebrating closed doors​.

We’ve all heard the stories about people who start certain careers later in life.

An example would be, “It’s never too late! Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his breakthrough role in “Pulp Fiction” until age 46.”

And Chris points out that sometimes…it IS too late:

While these stories are inspiring, the “it’s not too late” lesson is not universal. Sometimes it IS too late! To believe otherwise is to believe in a fantasy.

Some things in life have real deadlines—not all, but some.

In other words, sometimes we often hold onto something that we know we’ll eventually do “some day,” and maybe we are refusing to accept the reality that…yeah, it IS too late.

Maybe we keep holding onto hope that we’ll eventually run a marathon…even though we hate running.

Maybe we keep holding onto hope that we’re going to write that cookbook…even though we don’t actually like cooking anymore.

Maybe we can decide that a few paths ARE closed to us. We can accept this.

The Future isn’t Set in Stone either

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how ​The Past isn’t Set in Stone​, because our perception of the story changes.

It’s okay to accept that maybe a dream we had when we were in our 20s is okay to die.

However, it’s equally tragic to assume that “it’s too late” to make any changes in our future, and that it’s already determined.

Betrand Russel once said “You’re under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago.”

As Chris says:

“It’s not too late” for lots of things, and that’s great. But sometimes it is, and that’s okay.

It’s not too late to learn something new. It’s not too late to try new things.

But it might be too late for specific paths, and that’s perfectly fine.

In fact, it’s worth celebrating.

Letting go of certain paths, or accepting that some paths might be closed to us can clear the space to make a different decision for life moving forward.

You can decide that later today to:

• start powerlifting
• take an online class for a new career.
• try a new hobby.
• talk with your doctor about ​weight loss help​.

We can’t travel back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination.

Some of life’s paths are now closed to us.

That might be okay!

Instead of spending more brainpower regretting our closed black paths, we can get to work on deciding which green path we’re going to take next.

-Steve

PS: Need guidance and accountability to reach your fitness goals? Nerd Fitness has helped 10,000+ humans over the last 8 years with 1-on-1 online fitness coaching. ​Click here for more details​.

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Last December, I sheepishly admitted there was a huge hole in my Nerd cred.

I grew up drawing cartoons, took AP art in high school, and was always fascinated by hand-drawn animation…

But I had ​never seen a single second of any Studio Ghibli cartoon​!

Studio Ghibli is the Japanese equivalent of Disney, with Hayao Miyazaki as the Japanese Walt: the studio has won multiple Academy Awards for their beautifully hand-drawn animated films, and Miyazaki has reached legendary status for making these films over the past 40+ years.

Luckily, the amazing community over on Threads gave me hundreds of comments of support and helped me decide which movie I should start with!

Since making that announcement, I’ve watched ​all 20+ Studio Ghibli films​, ​fell in love with Japan​, and became endlessly fascinated with Hayao Miyazaki.

(My favorites are Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises.).

After watching every film, I moved on to watching documentaries about Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli because I needed to know more.

Thanks to these documentaries, I got a fascinating look at Miyazaki’s creative style and experiences in making these films alongside his coworkers.

The running joke has been that Miyazaki is the “Never-ending man” and can’t seem to retire.

There was something that stood out to me in each documentary:

In The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness, at one point all employees at Studio Ghibli stood up and moved through a series of mobility drills and calisthenics, including Miyazaki.

Later in the doc, I observed ​Miyazaki demonstrating a very deep squat​ with perfect form and no assistance. How many people do you know in their mid-late 70s who can perform an unassisted deep squat!?

In Never-ending Man: Hayao Miyazaki, Miyazaki is ​filmed multiple times chopping wood​ with an ax in the backyard of his studio.

And in Hayao Miyazaki and The Heron, Miya-san (his nickname), now in his 80s, is still out chopping wood, going for walks in the woods, climbing over fallen trees, doing his office exercises, and hard at work on the film that would culminate his life’s work.

(Yes, I know. Miyazaki also has a cigarette in his mouth for nearly every minute of every documentary! He’s lucky that he hasn’t developed lung cancer yet, and I’m reminded he’s not the perfect picture of health!).

I bring this up because I think it shows a different side of exercise than we might normally consider.

Train for your Old Person Body

Watching this doc of Hayao Miyazaki staying active and keeping his brain sharp into his 80s…

I was reminded of this ​amazing post from Elizabeth​ (@ThisGirlLifts on Instagram):

As we get older, it’s easier for us to move less, which gives us less energy, and makes it more difficult to find the momentum and mobility to keep moving. This might keep us from spending time with our family or our friends because we’re unable to muster up the energy.

Teddy Roosevelt once said “let us rather run the risk of wearing out than rusting out.”

In other words: use it or lose it, bub.

It’s not a stretch for me to imagine Miyazaki’s ability to be a “never-ending man” is not only due to good genetics (and luck), but also because he has actively chosen to wear out rather than rust out.

Reflecting on why he chose to push himself to complete yet another animated film into his 8th decade on this planet, he simply replied that this was all he knew how to do: “I’d rather die doing this than die doing nothing.”

Fitness is more than weight loss

At Nerd Fitness, we encourage all Rebels to think about their “Big Why:”

Why bother exercising and building new habits and pushing yourself to level up your life when the couch beckons?

What’s the point of exerting yourself and learning to deal with discomfort when retreating to comfort is easier and so damn alluring?

A really strong “Big Why” can help us stay on target especially when life turns into a dumpster fire or we want to give up.

For Miyazaki, he’s decided that “getting out what’s inside me” is a worthy use of his time. He’s found peace and fulfillment through creating things rather than consuming them, which means he needs to take care of his body enough to stay alive long enough to get these things done!

For my gramma (who ​I visited in the hospital last month​), her purpose is to support her community and help those around her. Staying active allowed her to do this well into her 90s!

If you’re struggling to come up with a reason for why to do something…

You can do worse than “Training for my old person body.” This is the only body you get, and the only life you get, so today is as good a day as any to start treating your body with a bit more respect.

It doesn’t need to be dramatic either. We can start simple:

• We can go for a short daily walk.
• We can stand up throughout the day and do mobility work like squats and arm swings.
• We can ​start strength training​ to build strong bones and stave off needing assistance for as long as possible.

It’s on us to keep our bodies active, and wearing out is better than rusting out through lack of use.

As a chaotic creator who spends a lot of time in my own head, Hayao Miyazaki has given me plenty to think about:

I hope when I’m in my 80s, I am still writing this newsletter and helping people, chopping wood and going for walks and spending time with loved ones.

I know I can’t control what happens and accidents happen and so much of life is outside of my control, but I’m going to do my best to give myself the best chance to keep creating and wear out rather than rust out!

I’ll leave you with the final curmudgeonly quote from Miyazaki that closes out the documentary Hayao Miyazaki and the Heron:

“Stop whining and get moving.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to train for my old man body!

-Steve

PS: The original Japanese title for The Boy and the Heron is How Do You Live?. This is a far more interesting (and apt) title for the film; it’s truly the encapsulation of his life’s work, those that have influenced him, and his deepest thoughts on the meaning of life.

PPS: Need guidance and accountability to reach your fitness goals? Nerd Fitness has helped 10,000+ humans over the last 8 years with 1-on-1 online fitness coaching. ​Click here for more details​.

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Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

In 1933, an overwhelmed and frustrated woman named Frau sent a letter to psychologist Carl Jung, asking “how to live.”

(She didn’t have any Instagram influencers to yell motivational platitudes at her, I guess)

Jung replied:

“Your questions are unanswerable, because you want to know how one ought to live. One lives as one can.

…if you do with conviction the next and most necessary thing, you are always doing something meaningful and intended by fate.”

He was sharing the key to life.

It’s part of recovery communities like Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was even the title of a song in ​Disney’s Frozen 2​.

“The next right thing.”

Revisiting this story caused me to reflect on how much my thoughts on success and progress have changed over the years.

“Success” Redefined

I’ve been doing this Nerd Fitness stuff for 15+ years.

Millions of people visit the site every year, 50,000+ customers have bought stuff through NF, and our coaches have served 15,000+ 1-on-1 clients.

In that time, I’ve changed my perspective quite a bit on “success” and “living well.”

I used to think that the only path to success required militant discipline following a specific plan. I never missed a workout, and was unbelievably proud of this.

It didn’t occur to me just how much of a ​privileged and simple life​ I lived, where I was 100% in control of my time.

(Apologies to all the parents and caregivers who read my 25-year old perspective!).

Now that I’m 40, and I can see the types of people we actually help with Nerd Fitness, I’ve changed my perspective on success and “living well” fairly dramatically.

Success happens not when we learn how to do everything perfectly, but instead when we get better at staying afloat even when things go poorly.

In other words, success is learning to be inconsistently consistent. Learning to be good enough for long enough.

And that means, when life seems chaotic, narrowing our focus down to “the next right thing.”

Do the Next Right Thing

A ​recent newsletter​ from author Oliver Burkeman talked about how he’s chosen to retain a tiny bit of sanity in an overwhelming world.

It led me to these sentences from author Eckert Tolle:

“What you refer to as your “life” should more accurately be called your “life situation.” It is psychological time: past and future.

…Forget about your life situation for a while and pay attention to your life.

Find the “narrow gate that leads to life.” It is called the Now.

Narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be full of problems — most life situations are — but find out if you have any problem at this moment. Not tomorrow or in ten minutes, but now.

Do you have a problem now?

When we ruminate on what already happened, and we freak out about all the things that could happen or need to happen in the future…

It’s easy to feel out of control and overwhelmed.

Which brings us back to that cliché solution: “the next right thing.”

It’s a cliché only because it’s true.

We can zoom wayyyyyy in, and narrow our focus to something that is still in our control. In some situations, yes, there is a problem right now. And we can just focus on that one thing.

But in many other situations, it’s often us worrying about all the problems that might be, or the problems outside of our control, that keeps us from taking action on the actual things we can control.

Burkeman continues:

As for telling myself I only needed to do the very next thing… you always only can do the very next thing, then the next, whether you like it or not.

It’s a little strange, actually, to refer to any of these techniques as “narrowing your horizons”, as if they involved somehow artificially limiting yourself.

Really, you’re just consciously recognizing how limited you always already were.

We all know how easy it is for us to ​overcomplicate things​.

And when the world feels like a dumpster fire, it can help to zoom way into that next decision, the tiniest goal, and just do the next right thing.

It might involve a workout or a walk, focusing on the next meal, calling up our therapist, or ​finally saying no​ to a commitment.

If “now” is the only time that exists, then “the next right thing” is the only thing that we can really do.

I’m gonna go do the next right thing for me: take a walk.

-Steve

PS: Maria Popova has ​a great writeup about “the next right thing”​ as it pertains to her life as a writer that inspired this piece.

PPS: Nerd Fitness is hiring a few remote, part-time humans (especially with flexible nights and weekends) to take inbound, scheduled calls from potential clients interested about our 1-on-1 coaching. ​Click here to learn more​.

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I’m currently reading ​The Tainted Cup​, a fantasy detective novel.

Think “Sherlock Holmes set in Westeros.”

The main character has this augmentation that allows him to absorb every single detail of every interaction, crime scene, and then recite back these exact details at a later date.

I remember a horrifying Black Mirror episode about this very thing: being able to recall every fact of every interaction in the past.

Here’s the thing: in all of these scenarios, the facts might be true, but the analysis of these facts still leaves plenty of room for improvement.

I thought about this a lot recently when I stumbled across two stories I want to share:

“​The Past is Not True​” from Derek Sivers:

When I was 17, I was driving recklessly and crashed into an oncoming car. I found out that I broke the other driver’s spine, and she’ll never walk again.

I carried that burden with me everywhere, and felt so horrible about it for so many years that at age 35 I decided to find this woman to apologize. I found her name and address, went to her house, knocked on the door, and a middle-aged woman answered. As soon as I said, “I’m the teenager that hit your car eighteen years ago and broke your spine”, I started sobbing – a big ugly cry, surfacing years of regret.

She was so sweet, and hugged me saying, “Oh sweetie, sweetie! Don’t worry. I’m fine!” Then she walked me into her living room. Walked.

Turns out I had misunderstood.

Yes she fractured a couple vertebrae but it never stopped her from walking. She said “that little accident” helped her pay more attention to her fitness, and since then has been in better health than ever.

Then she apologized for causing the accident in the first place. Apologized.

And this ​story about “the good ole days”​ from author Morgan Housel:

A few months ago I reminisced to my wife about how awesome [life was in our early 20s]. We were 23, gainfully employed, living in our version of the Taj Mahal. This was before kids, so we slept in until 10am on the weekends, went for a walk, had brunch, took a nap, and went out for dinner. That was our life. For years.

“That was peak living, as good as it gets,” I told her.

“What are you talking about?” she said. “You were more anxious, scared, and probably depressed then than you’ve ever been.”

…In my head, today, I look back and think, “I must have been so happy then. Those were my best years.”

But in reality, at the time, I was thinking, “I can’t wait for these years to end.”

It has me thinking a lot about the past, and our future. It turns out, neither one is set in stone!

Which Past Story can you rewrite?

As the cliché goes, it’s easier to connect the dots looking backward than it is looking forward.

Is there a story from your past about a particular moment you’re still carrying with you?

Maybe it’s one full of shame about something that happened, but it led to something even better for you.

Maybe it’s longing for a past life that never actually existed.

The past already happened, but that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone!

Returning to Sivers:

“You can change your history.

The actual factual events are such a small part of it. Everything else is perspective, open for re-interpretation.

The past is never done.”

I’d love to know which story you’re telling yourself about the past, good or bad, that you’re deciding to rewrite?

-Steve

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Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

I remember racing up the down escalator in Macy’s at the Cape Cod Mall.

My mom, calmly riding the Up escalator like a regular human, would say I was going to hurt myself (possible) or I was making a scene (correct) or interrupting the people trying to get down the escalation (also correct).

Sometimes I would be able to get to the top, exhausted and out of breath, while my mom would arrive at the same time laughing at how hard I had to work.

Spend enough time in an airport (or travel with young kids), and within a few minutes you’ll see kids trying to run on a People Mover moving in the other direction. Exhaustion for them, entertainment for us.

See where I’m going with this?

My friend Mark Manson put the following in ​his newsletter​ this week:

“All the grit, persistence, and motivation in the world won’t do you any good if you’re working on the wrong thing. In fact, it will do the opposite.”

Which brings me to today’s question…

Where are you running UP the DOWN escalator?

Earlier this year, I remember having a conversation with Coach Matt from Team NF about ​coaching clients​ who succeed and who struggle.

• Those who find success: they identify the escalator moving in the right direction, and work hard to get on that one. Each step actually magnifies their efforts.
• Those who struggle: they continue to spend their energy, willpower, and effort on changes that don’t move the needle.

I bet you’ve had moments where you wondered if all the effort was ACTUALLY worth it, or why progress seemed harder than normal.

Here are a few examples of trying to run up the down escalator:

• Spending lots of money on expensive supplements (not prescribed by a medical professional).
• Switching to organic, gluten free, or low carb keto snacks based solely on the latest trend.
• Trying complicated diets that don’t actually reduce how much food you eat.
• Doing exercise you hate exclusively for weight loss reasons.

Running (and anything else considered cardio) is great for heart and lung health. But running and cardio is ​far less effective for weight loss​ than we think (unless we ALSO adjust our nutrition strategy too).

My guess is you want to look more “toned,” which means you don’t just want to “lose weight,” but rather keep the muscle you have and lose the fat on top of it.

If these are our goals, then putting on our focus on the right escalator is key.

Here are examples of walking up the up escalator:

• Finding ways to ​eat fewer calories​ without feeling restricted.
• Prioritizing ​strength training​ a few times per week.
• Making “​more protein​” a focus for each meal.
• Being okay with ​accepting all the tools available​ for health.

Show me somebody that eats mostly protein, fruits and vegetables, and strength trains (with progressive overload) for 30 minutes a few times per week, and I’ll show you somebody who is moving UP the right escalator.

Here’s the thing: ​humans aren’t wired to love exercise​. We’re also not designed to thrive in a world in which high calorie, nutritionally-empty delicious foods are always available.

Which means if we’re going to spend valuable brain power and energy on doing something, we might as well pick the right things to trick ourselves into doing.

Yep, there’s a whole “life vs behavior” change component to this too (which I covered in a previous newsletter about ​Manageable vs Meaningful​). But deciding “how quickly do I want to implement these meaningful steps” is a better question to be asking than “Why am I not making progress despite working so hard?”

Get off the wrong escalator, and get on the right one.

Might as well put that effort to good use!

-Steve

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Have you ever heard of “Blue Zones”?

These pockets of the world are known for having citizens who live exceptionally long, healthy lives.

Some of these locations may sound familiar:

Okinawa, Japan (home of Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid!). Sardinia, Italy. Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica. Icaria, Greece.

These locations have a higher percentage of people who live longer due to their local-whole foods diet, high vegetable consumption, low instances of disease, rich social interactions, low stress, and plenty of physical activity.

Books, documentaries, and countless news articles have championed these societies, and millions upon millions of health conscious individuals have modeled their lifestyles after how these people live.

There’s just one problem with this amazing story.

It’s not actually true.

The First Ig Nobel Prize in Demography

Last month, Dr. Saul Justin Newman was awarded the first “Ig Nobel Prize” in Demography.

These awards are given out annually for scientific research that “makes people laugh, then think.”

For this particular award, Newman was recognized for debunking pretty much all of the findings of any study relating to the Blue Zones.

Here’s what Dr. Newman discovered:

“The highest rates of achieving extreme old age are predicted by high poverty, the lack of birth certificates, and fewer 90-year-olds.

Poverty and pressure to commit pension fraud were shown to be excellent indicators of reaching ages 100+ in a way that is ‘the opposite of rational expectations.’”

It turns out that most of the “very old, healthy” individuals in these blue zones were simply a result of ​very poorly kept records, pension fraud, and outright lying​.

Let’s take a look at what actually happens on Okinawa:

“Despite vegetables and sweet potatoes being promoted as key components of the Okinawan ‘Blue Zone’ diets, according to the Japanese government, Okinawans eat the least vegetables and sweet potatoes in Japan and have the highest body mass index.”

Ooooof. So, what the heck do we do now!?

Beware anecdotal narratives that make dramatic promises

Spend enough time on social media, and you’ll stumble across people telling you to only eat meat, eliminate carbs completely, how “this one supplement saved their life,” or that doing XYZ cured their illness, and so on.

These anecdotal stories, especially when they have a villain, a victim and a heroic tale about overcoming adversity, are unbelievably powerful. They’re also often used to sell you a solution in a pill or powder form.

The good news is we data that is being constantly refined by science.

We don’t actually need to know what the people of Okinawa eat, nor do we need to study the daily habits of a particular community in Costa Rica.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good whimsical tale about the habits of a far off land too, but it still comes back to reality and science!

And we can remember that we need to do what’s best for our particular situation. That might include ​therapy​, it might include ​weight loss medication​, it might include just focusing on sleep right now!

That’s up for us to decide, and we can do so confidently. Not because it’s what happens in Costa Rica or Greece, but simply because it’s what’s best for us.

Here are some of the ways in which we can positively impact our lifespan and/or healthspan.

• Eating the correct number of calories for our goal weight. (Obesity is one of the highest correlated indicators for increased ​all-cause mortality​).
• Diets that consist primarily of ​lean protein, whole foods, vegetables, and fruit​.
• Reducing smoking, drinking of alcohol, and some processed foods (​known carcinogens​).
• ​Strength training​ for muscle synthesis, balance, bone density.
• A ​strong social network​: friends and family.
• Regular ​physical activity​ (even walking!).

Yep, some of these things are part of the “Blue Zone Diet”… just without the sensationalism and pension fraud.

And many of them might be outside of our control!

For example, ​social determinants of health​ (financial stability, access to health care, education, our neighborhood) are strongly correlated with all-cause mortality, and many of these things might be unavailable to large portions of the population.

Life is Messy

I don’t bring all this up to tell you to avoid a Blue Zone diet.

Heck, you could do a lot worse than eating a Mediterranean diet! Of course you’ll most likely lose weight and feel healthier if you eat mostly fresh fish, whole foods, and vegetables.

I bring all this up to remind you that life is messy.

A long healthy life is a combination of dozens interconnected things (like those listed above), thousands of decisions made over our lifetime, plus stuff like genetics, society, and luck! What works for one person might not work for the next person, and there’s no “one diet fits all” solution to our problems.

We could get hit by a bus tomorrow, get a cancer diagnosis despite “doing everything right,” or experience a ​freak accident that changes everything​ next week.

So, rather than chasing immortality through sensationalized anecdotes, or getting swept up in the latest Social Media trend…

We can keep our focus on the stuff that we feel pretty damn confident will make us better off tomorrow than we are today.

Like the things on that list above! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go do some push-ups, eat a vegetable, and take a quick walk while calling a friend.

-Steve

P.S. Hat tip to my friend Jodi Ettenberg, whose heartbreakingly powerful story about acceptance I linked above. It was ​her newsletter​ that led me to this article!

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The post Beware the Story, Embrace the Science first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this uncomfortable.

I had an empty afternoon last week and saw Speak No Evil (​trailer here​), a horror/suspense film about a family who goes to visit another couple they met on vacation.

And shockingly, things don’t go as expected.

If you saw the ​“Dinner Party” episode of The Office​ where Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jan’s house for the most uncomfortable house party ever, and thought to yourself…

“What if this was a 2-hour horror movie instead?”

…that’s essentially the plot of Speak No Evil.

This movie is based on a 2022 European film of the same name, so naturally I had to watch that too. And boy, that version was even bleaker and more shocking.

This movie has some really cutting commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting…

But here’s why Speak No Evil made me so uncomfortable:

This movie asks, “How many of our own boundaries are we willing to cross to keep the peace and not hurt somebody’s feelings?”

I always joke about ​how much of a conflict-avoidant people pleaser​ I am, which means this movie shook me to my core:

Which brings me to the point of today’s newsletter!

Guilt and Overcommitting

My father was raised Episcopalian (a form of Christianity), while my mother was raised Catholic. My mom always joked that the Episcopalian faith was “like Catholicism, but without the guilt!”

So we went to Episcopalian church as kids.

And despite this, I managed to get all the Catholic guilt!

I will bend over backwards to keep the peace. I’ll do whatever I can to not offend. I’ll overcommit, I’ll put myself in really frustrating situations, simply because I don’t know how to set healthy boundaries.

Long story short, I would NOT have done well in Speak No Evil.

I used to think this was just me being nice, but I came to realize that it was something different.

I was being disrespectful to myself and my own wellbeing!

Over the years, I’ve learned to establish and enforce healthier boundaries. Not just to protect myself from others, but to protect myself…from myself.

I have a hunch there are quite a few people who are reading this newsletter who are also people-pleasers, struggling with burnout, and feeling overcommitted right now.

If that’s you, I have a truth that’s hard to hear.

The Solution to Burnout isn’t a Yoga Retreat

When we feel burned out, too busy, and overwhelmed, we think the solution resides in a very specific form of self-care:

• Escape: We just need a massage or a “digital detox” or retreat.
• Achievement: We just need to work harder in the gym!
• Optimization: If only we had a more optimized schedule!

The problem is that all of these solutions treat the symptom, not the root cause.

As pointed out in Anne-Helen Peterson’s ​Can’t Even​:

“You don’t fix burnout by going on vacation. You don’t fix it through “life hacks,” like inbox zero, or by using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or doing Sunday meal prep for the entire family, or starting a bullet journal. You don’t fix it by reading a book on how to “unfu*k yourself.”

You don’t fix it with vacation, or an adult coloring book, or “anxiety baking,” or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight f***ing oats.”

As I share in my essay on ​the problems with Self-Care​, the solution isn’t found in a Yoga studio or on a deserted beach, nor is it found in a journal or meditation app.

The solution requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.

We need to put on our own oxygen mask first before we can help others.

Boundaries Protect Against Burnout

Us people pleasers spend most of our time keeping the peace and catering to everybody else’s needs, very rarely considering our own.

This is usually how we find ourselves overcommitted, unable to do the things we want/need to do, and potentially feeling resentful of our generosity being taken for granted.

The problem?

It’s not somebody else’s responsibility to establish our boundaries.

It’s on us to establish them, explain them, and protect them.

This is where boundaries come in.

Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to actually consider our needs too. Something I never considered for a long time. I bet there are a lot of amazing moms and dads on this newsletter list who also haven’t considered their own needs in a long time.

This doesn’t mean we need to suddenly become “I AM THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS,” but rather, it means we need to address the fact that our feelings and needs are valid, and we need to take care of ourselves if we’re also going to take care of others.

As Dr. Lakshmin points out in ​Real Self-Care​:

“To practice real self-care, you must be willing to make yourself vulnerable – whether that means having uncomfortable conversations to set boundaries or making the clear and deliberate choice to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.”

Here is your challenge for the day:

Say NO to one thing you are currently saying YES to out of obligation or guilt.

Establish this boundary for your own wellbeing and mental health.

Yep, this will require you to rely on those around you, and maybe even *GASP* potentially disappoint somebody!

Especially if they’re used to you saying yes to everything all the time.

I promise you, their reaction isn’t your responsibility to manage.

One final reminder I had to internalize: “No” is a complete sentence.

We can’t time-travel, which means the only solution to burnout is to put fewer things on our plate.

This requires us to develop boundaries to protect ourselves…from ourselves.

I’d love to hear what boundary you establish, so hit reply and let me know!

-Steve

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The post Boundaries: the Cure for Burnout? first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

I stumbled across ​a reddit thread​ that really grabbed my attention.

Somebody asked “What was the ‘one thing’ that finally made weight loss work for you?”

And this question had 5,400 replies (and counting).

Some of the answers involved environmental changes or changing how they prepared their food:

“Pouring snacks into little ramekins to eat them. Suddenly I ate a normal amount of snacks.”

“I meal prepped my typical amount of food and instead of putting it in 2 containers, I spread it evenly in 4 containers. I forced myself to only eat 1 container per meal and tricked my brain into thinking it was my normal amount.”

Others changed what they ate:

“Found a salad I actually really like. Sounds dumb, but I’d never craved a salad before, and having one I actually really liked meant I strung together a solid few weeks of eating a lot of lettuce – it snowballed from there, because I actually felt good and then started craving feeling good.”

Some had a more holistic approach that involved reevaluating their relationship with food, hunger, and discomfort:

“Realizing it’s a lifestyle change NOT a diet.”

“Embrace the suffering. Expect that you’ll be breathing hard and uncomfortable when you’re doing cardio, expect that you’ll be sore after you lift, and expect that you’ll be hungry when you’re restricting your intake.”

Others used apps to track their calorie intake, which made them realize just how much they were eating:

“Using an app to track everything I ate. I realized a lot of “healthy” things I was eating, in the quantities I was eating them, were a lot more calories than I thought. Just cutting down on certain foods did the trick.”

And some succeeded thanks to an initial push with medication:

“Saw a doctor about my type 2 diabetes. I weighed over 300 lbs and also had coronary artery disease. I qualified for diabetes medication that also helps control appetite. Started tracking calories and exercising.”

“Semaglutide”

Some prioritized physical activity instead of focusing on food:

“Finding a hobby. I was binge eating because I was bored. Coming home from work to sit on the couch would make it way easier to eat like sh*t… now I just go and do something I like so I won’t find distraction in eating.”

“Walking. Validation that I’d lost 45 lb in 7 months by just walking every night around my neighborhood. It was free and low impact, I walked rain or shine even through snow storms. Now I have a treadmill and walk indoors but the feeling is still as great as it was in the beginning.”

As we look through this list, reading thousands of comments of people thinking back on the ‘one thing’ that changed their life, and just how different many of them are, we can draw some fascinating conclusions.

3 Short Lessons We Can Learn

LESSON 1: “Success is moving from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill.

The toughest part of getting healthy is not losing hope when some strategy you try doesn’t work out. I bet for each person who shared their answer above, they tried dozens of different strategies to try and get fit. Hell, I bet they tried most of the things that worked for other people, until they found the one that worked for them.

What we can learn from this: “Hope is the ​warrior emotion that lays waste to cynicism​,” and it’s okay to have hope that each failed attempt means that’s one less strategy to need to try in the future.

For example, if you’ve tried Keto 5 times before and you can’t stick with it, congrats! You found the diet that doesn’t work for you.

If you can keep that ​‘beta test’ mentality​ of “I’m going to see if it works for me,” you might just find the first domino to fall for your journey!

LESSON 2: Beware the Charlatan.

Spend enough time on social media, and you’ll eventually encounter health and wellness charlatans. These are the folks who tell you they alone have the one solution to all your problems. They often have a villain for all of the world’s evil (“its sugar! It’s carbs! It’s X ingredient!”).

And sure enough, once they’ve fear mongered and scared the crap out of you, they provide hope to you with their expensive unregulated supplement or foolproof system.

As you see in the examples above, there’s no “one size fits all” solution to this stuff. Every human is a unique weirdo with different baggage and triggers and traumas and experiences that make certain solutions a homerun and other solutions will be a nonstarter.

You can read more about how to spot and avoid charlatans in my past essay here: “​How to not go crazy on the internet​.”

Which brings me to my third point!

LESSON THREE: All stories of getting fit have 3 boring commonalities!

Although all of these “one thing” solutions to getting in shape are different, they all do have a few similarities.

The good news? None of these things are revolutionary, proprietary, or fancy.

Getting fit down to literally 3 things:

• Eating the correct number of calories for your goal weight
• Getting some form of physical movement
• Making these two things part of a lifelong lifestyle adjustment.

Weight loss isn’t magic. It’s math and behavior change.

As I cover in my ​weight loss guide​, science is settled on this.

Any diet can work, if it puts us into a caloric deficit. We have ​coaching clients​ who are vegan, others who go Keto, some who count calories and others who do intermittent fasting.

Our ability to turn dietary changes into a lifestyle we can live with is how we find success, and that looks different for everybody.

Speaking of lifestyle changes, most of the answers above also involve finding ways to make exercise a regular part of life.

Remember: it’s okay that you don’t LOVE to exercise. We’re not designed to love exercise! Especially if it’s an activity we don’t actually enjoy! We’re designed to survive in times of scarcity, NOT thrive in times of unlimited abundance.

So how do we make exercise part of our lifestyle?

We need to find ways to ​make exercise fun, beneficial, or necessary​:

• Fun: join a walking/running club with friends, try ​temptation bundling​.
• Beneficial: fall in love with ​getting stronger​ and more confident and how much better you feel after exercise.
• Necessary: pre-pay for a trainer, park at the end of the parking lot, bike to work.

Remember that hope is the warrior emotion.

We humans are unbelievably adaptable creatures who are capable of change.

Keep trying different strategies, beware the charlatans, and don’t forget the basics!

And pretty soon one day, you too could be sharing the first domino to fall that changed things for you.

-Steve

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The post The ONE thing that finally worked… first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

Originally posted at: http://www.nerdfitness.com/

Last week, I flew to Massachusetts to visit my 94-year grandmother in the hospital.

Let me tell you about this amazing woman.

Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No wonder I love the music of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Great Big Sea​), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool teacher for 22 years and has been an active member in her community for her entire life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch multiple quilting initiatives over the years. She volunteered at the Council on Aging. She often drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the old people” (as she called it), which she did well into her 80s!

During past visits to Massachusetts, I would swing by Gramma’s for an afternoon, habitually checking my phone, often distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my brain. I think having known her my entire life, I just had this thought “Gramma has always been here, and Gramma will always be here.”

Fortunately, I stumbled upon an ancient Japanese concept that helped me recognize and course correct this pattern. It allowed all of my recent visits with Gramma to be decidedly different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s a concept dating back to Japanese tea ceremonies in the 1600s called ichi-go ichi-e:

This translates to: “one time, one meeting.”

It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace each unrepeatable moment in time. No matter how often we do something or see somebody, it is the only time that it will truly happen this way, in this moment.

This concept can remind us to be more present.

• Instead of checking our phones, we can focus on the person or task in front of us.
• Instead of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we can be here now.
• Instead of going through the motions, we can be a bit more deliberate with our behavior.

I’ve reflected a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the past few years (​see my essay about Wabi-Sabi​), and this concept of ichi-go ichi-e has stuck with me too.

Which brings me to my trips to visit Gramma this summer.

I stopped worrying about the future or ruminating on the past, put my phone down, and just sat with her.

I treated each visit as if it was the only time that I would get to have that interaction.

I asked her questions about her childhood. I learned that she spent a few summers living in a tent with no running water or electricity, while her father built their home with his own two hands. And how much she loved it.

She told me about her teenage years, including the time she snuck out of the house and got caught, and had to sit at the foot of her parents bed until the sun came up.

I learned more about my grandfather. She even shared photos of her wedding that I had never seen before:

She also found some photos of me and her from way back in the day!

This one was my favorite:

I returned to Nashville last month, unsure when (or if) I’d get to see her again.

It still felt different. I had connected with Gramma more deeply in a few visits than I probably had in the past 10 years combined.

Which brings me to this past week at the hospital.

Gramma’s Community

Last week, my brother and I drove up to visit Gramma in the hospital each day.

And each day, a revolving door of guests would show up to check on her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mother (who just had surgery!). Her grandkids. The son of her best friend. Her friend Anne. Friends from the Council of Aging. Fellow quilters. People from her church.

At one point, there were 10 of us visiting at the same time, and it turned into an absolute party.

I was in awe of this woman and how many lives she has impacted.

If there’s a clear sign of a life well lived, it’s being surrounded by people who love you. Gramma has been selfless for so much of her life, and I was amazed and inspired at how many people dropped everything to come and spend time with her, swapping stories and keeping her company.

Despite the circumstances, she still has a great sense of humor too:

The first time she opened her eyes and saw me, she smiled and said, “I remembered another story!” She then told me about the time she “borrowed” a car, even though she didn’t have a license yet, to drive through the streets of Boston to track down her boyfriend.

While talking on the phone with her 94 year old brother in law, she asked “how are ya, you old geezer?”

When the doctor asked “are you feeling better today?” she replied “better than WHAT!”

Spending time with Gramma and all of the people from different parts of her life felt like the best possible use of my time. I am in love with the community she has around her, and I am constantly moved to tears by the love that so many people have for her.

This point was driven further home by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…

Live Deliberately

The hospital in which my Gramma is staying is right next to Walden Pond, the very pond made famous by Henry David Thoreau in his book ​Walden​.

One day, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet walk around its perimeter, watching the light of the setting sun dancing through the trees.

(The Japanese have a word for this too, it’s called “komorebi”.)

I then read the sign with Thoreau’s most famous reflection:

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to discover what was most important to him.

Gramma went the other direction, prioritizing what’s most important to her: family, friends, and community.

Two different scenarios, the same end result:

Choosing to live deliberately.

I don’t have plans on moving into the woods and living simply, but I do think I’ve done my best to live more deliberately these past few years.

Specifically, re-prioritizing what’s most important to me too: friends, family, and community.

All We have to Decide…

A few years ago, Gramma presented my brother, sister, and I with three of her favorite handmade quilts.

“I was going to have these given to you grandkids after I passed away, but I want to give them to you now so that we can enjoy this moment together.”

She took the time to explain the meaning behind each quilt and why they were selected for each of us. I’m so thankful she did this, rather than waiting to hear about these beautiful quilts after she passed.

When I visited Gramma this summer, I discovered that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, but I realized I never got to tell him just how much I learned from him before he died.

For that reason, I’m writing this essay now to make sure she knows just how much she taught me. I’m so proud of my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the opportunity to learn from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I got a text from my father yesterday letting me know that he read this draft to her in the hospital and she loved it. Mission accomplished!)

I certainly hope Gramma gets better and is able to get back home. After all, she told her friend Laurie “I’m not done yet!”

But I also know that this is not up to us to decide.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can inspire you to live more deliberately:

• If you’re willing to put your phone down and be present with the people in front of you, life can feel so much more rich.
• If you’re willing to prioritize what’s actually important instead of the stuff that tries to steal your attention, you’ll never go wrong with the choices you make.
• If you can find a way to focus on the important people in your life, they’ll still be a part of it when you’re 94.

And finally remember, no matter what you do today, this is the only time this moment will happen.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: If you want a thought-provoking film about being present and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I highly recommend Wim Wenders’s ​Perfect Days​.

The post 94 Years of Wisdom first appeared on Nerd Fitness.